Work. It is perhaps the true mark of adulthood. Whenever I think of work, I think of a quote from T.S. Eliot's poem, The Love Song of Alfred J. Prufrock, "I have measured out my life with coffee spoons." I first read that line somewhere during my four years of high school, and it has been haunting me a bit since. Coffee is another one of those adult experiences, and each job I have had (and there have been many from exotic bird watcher, administrative assistant to barista, manufacturing worker, and teacher) coffee has been my morning companion. There is something so adult about drinking your cup of coffee on the way to work, it is like you are a part of this large sea of humanity participating in the same ritual, each motivated by different reasons and desires. The drip of the coffee slowly into the pot reminds me of this clock that my grandparents had that recorded each second with an even more deliberate tone, time passed by quickly but distinctly. Eliot's image of coffee spoons, however, seems so specific and controlled. Each moment is then free of spontaneity or excitement. As my English teacher read those lines in high school, I remember taking them in as a warning. In high school my dreams of work consisted of anything from the next great American novelist to independent filmmaker to many other jobs that I actually knew nothing about. I just knew that I wanted something "different", something free from those coffee spoons, something that would provide meaning to my identity, a job that mattered.
And then I had some jobs, and I started to see meaning in many different ways. Everyone works for different reasons, and I think I was misguided by thinking that jobs were solely the path to fulfillment. Work is noble in many ways, and I can't think of many things more beautiful than a person working to support his or her family, devoting their lives to provide for the people that they love.
I have been not working for the last five months since I had a baby, and I have to say that taking care of baby is more than a full-time experience. Nonetheless, it has afforded me the chance to step out of the working world (although I work in a high school which is unique in its own way) and experienced what it is like to exist out of a normal schedule. A few months ago I started to notice that I heard more birds chirping, I started to write again, and I actually had pretty flowers growing in my backyard. One day I woke up and I realized that I am really happy. I have always been happy, but I feel extremely happy and satisfied. Perhaps it is that my work now consists of being with my daughter and exploring the world all over again, but I also think that my time off from the grind has forced me to find myself again, nurture my own identity a bit instead of focusing on all other work responsibilities. My time is almost up though, and I am going back to work in a couple of months, but I think I am returning more refreshed and reminded that I have a responsibility to make my work life something that I truly desire. I am not sure where this will bring me, but my "time out" made me more aware of the possibilities. I don't want to be the consummate pragmatic adult. In essence, T.S. Eliot is reminding me of that question I have asked myself since high school, "Do I dare, Do I dare."
This morning when I made my coffee I was sure to scoop the coffee, letting the grinds spill over, adding each bit to make a cup of coffee that was both exuberant and adult. And I sit here drinking it, enjoying the boldness and depth on this rainy but lovely July morning.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Very nice Kris~
As a college student, my thoughts on the 9 to 5 life vary day to day. Why can't i really do what i please? Does responsibility with Family and finances really cut off an adults access to adventure?
Earlier this week "my friend Frank" (Que Kristen telling stories always stating the title of friendship before first name) came back from a month in Italy wide eye'd and happy from his world travels. He came back a different person with my different ideas on where is life was headed. I can think of how my personality was after I came back from spain and it was very different from today. I did not concentrate on things like car insurance, the 5 minute wait at a red light, or picking up laundry from the dry cleaner. I was more concentrated on making myself a better person in society. The daily grind of 9 to 5 takes away so much adventure and (for me at least) does not add value to the content of my character.
Like Kristen, i often struggle with the possibility living the way of the "daily Grind."
But,
I do believe it is my duty to fulfill what my parents have taught me for my 21 years of life, To work hard at a career and create a loving family. But hopefully one day i can achieve these goals, Just not in a cube, scanning a spreadsheet full of numbers looking for mistakes!
CHEERS
John,
I think your first two questions are pretty profound...I guess it is to find a way to marry all of your desires with your work. It is important to sustain what is meaningful both inside and outside of the workforce. You will achieve all of that--it is just that you have to keep working and keep looking.
Very eloquent perspective,
Kris
Post a Comment